Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Shoes- by Gabrielle


Have you seen them? Do you know what I'm talking about? Yeah, shoes, that's it! They go on your feet and they make it so you can climb things and not get stuff in your toes. How wonderful! You can have many different pairs, and can get some to match about every outfit you own. (Trust me, I know, Mom tries...) But, more importantly, it's one of the best ways to pick a fight with adults. I'm here to share with you the various fights you can pick, and the most effective way to exasperate the adults in your life. Because that's what we almost-2-years olds are all about.

First it starts with not wanting them on at all. This can be a minor argument, used when you first get dressed in the morning. I like to keep this battle short, but loud. It works best with the throwing of socks, and, if you're lucky, anything else someone left in your reach. This morning I got a really good launch on a tube of diaper cream Mom had left on the table. Dinged her right in the forehead, I'm sure it left a mark. Fabulous. But I keep this fight short and sweet, because I like Mom to feel like she's won. This lulls her into a sense of serenity and a belief of control, and makes the later battles that much more delicious. Awesome.

The next fight is most effective with girls, but I do admit I learned it from my brother. It's the "Keep changing your mind about what shoe you want to wear" fight, which looks a lot like the "Beg to wear sandles in the rain/snow," fight and the "Try to wear shoes you outgrew a year ago" fight. The beauty of this fight is that it can happen any time and any place. Have had your shoes on for hours, and are happily coloring? What better time to randomly thrash about, grabbing at your shoes, and throwing a total fit? Mom getting you ready to go out to eat? This is the BEST time to declare you want a different set of more fashionable foot protectors. Who is Mom to complain, she changes her shoes two or three times before we leave the house. The beauty of this fight is it's versatility- there are no shortages for reasons to want to change your shoes. And you can't beat how long you can use it- I think Mom and I will be fighting about this for YEARS to come... AWESOME.

Another effective shoe fight- laces. Okay, if your Mom is smarter than my Mom, you might not have as much luck with this one, because very savvy moms only buy velcro. Some moms, like mine, are seduced by the cuteness of lace up shoes, but are able to resist the temptation, knowing what we are capable of. But if you ARE velcro-trapped, like I once was, you can figure a way out of it. See, my Mom always kept me in Velcro, whose only good use is to snag tights making Mom sigh with irritation all winter long. She thought, because I've never been a shoe-fighter, that for this winter she could get me some shoes with laces. (Remember what I said about lulling her... this was a long-played lull, and one I'm quite proud of...) Now that I have two pairs of shoes with laces, I'm in hog-heaven. I untie those things every chance I get. Double knots? PSHAH! Nothing to me. And every time she tries to tie them, another total fight comes out. It's wonderful. Pair this with the previous fight, and you can demand to always wear your laced shoes, that you always unlace... oh, the joy! Just thinking about it makes me so happy, I can barely type straight...

So, in thinking of shoes, don't forget these wonderful tantrum opportunities. And I'm sure, with some creativity, you can come up with some of your own. As suggestions, consider the "I WANT to wear my shoes to bed" fight, the "Why can't I put my dirty shoes on Grandma's sofa" fight, and the "But I LIKE my shoes on the wrong feet" fights... These should be a good start, and bring you many strife-filled days ahead. Happy screaming!


  1. LOL! Excellent post Gabrielle, way to keep your mom on her toes. Might I also suggest the "hide one shoe under sofa when mom isn't looking" technique.

  2. so funny! And I'm not at all surprised that Gabby has such impressive writing skills at such an early age. The rest of her family is so darn brilliant...