Thursday, May 7, 2009

Popsicles- or not...- Josiah

I really worry for my Mom. I don't think she's very smart. And I think, when she doesn't know the answer to my questions, she makes things up.

Today, she was working in Gabby's room a lot, which I took to mean she wanted me to play on my own. I got that idea when she kept saying, "Josiah, please put down that laundry / the carpet cleaner/ my hammer and go play on your own!" I figure, since she was so busy upstairs, that probably meant that I should play downstairs. And since she was pulling everything out of Gabby's drawers and closet, she would probably like me to do the same in her room. I figured she's always doing nice things for Gabby and I, and never gets to take care of her own room, so I would help her out. A nice surprise for Mother's Day, right?

So while I carefully emptied the cabinets from under both sinks in Mom and Dad's bathroom, and stacked everything in order by size and color, I can across a pretty pink box. Inside was one nicely wrapped, long packet that looked familiar. I ran up the stairs and found Mom, and yelled, "Look Mom, I found a popsicle! Can I have it?!? PLEASE??!?" Mom started to giggle a bit and said, "Josiah, that's not a popsicle, that's a pregnancy test. Please stop playing in Mom's bathroom."

Okay, here's the thing. Mom is smart enough to know, just by seeing that thing, that I had been in her bathroom. But it's like she's allowed just one minute of intelligence a day, and that was it, and from there on out, she's a total rock. I know this because she could not answer a single one of my questions. I asked her what this "pregnancy test" was for. She said it was to know if we were going to have another baby. Well, Dad has already said that we will only have another baby "if we can figure out what in the heck we're supposed to do with the two we already have, and if we move into a bigger house with a room set aside just for Dad so that he can have some peace and quiet for just 5 little minutes once a week." Well, since we know that's not happening, we know we're not having a baby, so I don't get what this test thing is for.

I asked Mom how it works, and I think she was just too distracted to realize the crazy thing she was saying. She started talking about PEEING on this thing, and how that was just like how I peed in the cup at the doctor's office, and that there were these chemical things that happen in a Mom's body that help her know she's going to have a baby and you can tell this in her pee and this stick would know if the chemicals were there and tell her if she's pregnant.

That's okay, you can take a couple of seconds of silence to try to absorb that crazy talk, I know I did.

Are you all right? Okay, I'll continue... So, yeah, then I figured we should test this thing out. I asked Mom if I could pee on it. She said no. How about Gabby? She said no. How about Taco or Bandit, or Grandma or Grandpa, or Pastor Bill or my Cubbie leaders... No, no, no. She said it only works if the Mom pees on it, which I don't think can be right. I mean, Gabby's the last baby we had in this house, and if any of those other people could have had early warning that she was coming, they would have needed it. She's a disaster! I told Mom the next time we went to the store, we should buy all those people pregnancy tests so that they could know if they are having any babies coming along. As far as I'm concerned, fore-warned is fore-armed.

Not that I really buy into this whole peeing on a stick thing. I mean, it's all a little ridiculous, you know? Just another one of those stories Mom makes up when she doesn't know how to answer my questions. I can't wait until we go to church choir practice tonight, I'll ask my teachers, I'm sure they'll tell me the truth...

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