Friday, May 1, 2009

Boys and their Boy Parts- Elizabeth

I have been stupid. So very, very, very stupid. But, well, it started off innocently enough...

See, Josiah really struggled while learning to talk. We were even a little worried about him for a while (which says a lot, because I'm usually way too overwhelmed to be worried about such unimportant things like Josiah's development...) So when Josiah started to want to dress himself, just around his second birthday, we were living in a much more quiet world. And I didn't really understand boys. But now I am much wiser.

Picture this- here's me with a 6 month old that demanded I do everything for her, as 6 month olds are wont to do. And a 2 year old who just couldn't communicate with me. When he started to try to dress himself, I felt like I was getting about as close to the magic nanny robot coming to live with me as I ever would. Josiah did very well- except his underpants. He kept getting them on backwards. This is frustrating on so many levels. One, he can't really put any other clothes on until the underpants are on. Two, because NO male looks good with bikini briefs on backwards. There's just something wrong about a little lower butt-cheek handing out. Third, I just think Thomas the Tank Engine does not belong splashed across the boy parts. So we worked really hard, day after day, until one day, in exasperation, I showed Josiah the penis pocket. (Why, yes, that is the official name, thanks for asking...) Seriously, this was a great breakthrough for our, then mute, little dude. He, our almost dumbstruck child, almost always got them on right from then on. Yes, the pretty silent toddler was quite proud of himself.

And then he learned to talk. And talk. And talk. Seriously, the kid NEVER shuts up. And one of the first phrases he mastered- yes, that's right, the penis pocket. Penis pocket. Penis pocket. Penis pocket. Penis pocket. Oh, I'm sorry, is that annoying to hear over and over and over again, endlessly? I had no idea...

Every morning, Josiah displays his underpants for me and says, "Mama, is this the penis pocket?" After every bath, Josiah displays his underpants for me and says, "Mama, is this the penis pocket?" After every swim session, Josiah displays his underpants for me and says, "Mama, is this the penis pocket?" In the store, when looking for new underpants, Josiah says to me, "Make sure you get some with a penis pocket!" Loudly.

I keep telling myself this is a phase, but it's been almost two years now. I've told myself I will give him one more year to outgrow this. And then, it's war. I will be videotaping him, naked, in all his God-given glory, obsessing about his penis pocket. And I will save it to replay it at important occassions. Not just one occassion, like his first date. No, the repetitiveness of this all will be vindicated. I will play it for his first date. For his first prom. For his wedding. At his first son's first birthday. Better yet, I will teach his sons about the penis pocket. (But tell them only to ask their dad about it, because I won't torture my daughter in law. It's not her fault...) So, you know, be warned if you may be part of our lives at these times. The next year will determine much about what you may see in the future...

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